Irrational Fears
by Kuroi-Hanabi
Summary: what havoc is caused in soul society when shinigami have irrational fears?
1. pognophobia

This story just came along and bit me when I was least expecting it so I thought I should write it before I go revise for a science GCSE test (ugh, Biology and Physics)…

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach… damn!

Oh, and this story happens before the story starts, so Rukia is still in the seireitei and Ichigo isn't a Shinigami yet.

**Pognophobia **

"Kuso." Kenpachi muttered as he turned another corner. His sense of direction was awful and he was completely lost. He usually had Yachiru to help him, but her sense of direction was really nothing to go by. Giving up on ever finding his way out of the maze that seireitei was, he punched his way through a wall, and stopped to think a moment while stroking his beard thoughtfully.

Kenpachi was proud of his beard. It had taken him 2 months to grow and it was, in his opinion, an amazing beard. It was the only beard he had ever grown, and even kyoraku taicho, one of his regular drinking buddies, had proclaimed it a beard to be jealous of.

His squad had laughed when they had seen it, causing him to destroy half of his squad's barracks. And Yachiru had cried and ran away. That was why he was searching the seireitei. For a lost lieutenant, not that she was much use anyway.

Punching through another wall, he found himself back at what was left of the squad 11 barracks.

"Back so soon, Beardy-taicho?" Ikkaku, his third seat mocked.

"Your beard isn't even beautiful." Yumichika proclaimed. Ignoring these two comments, Kenpachi sat and combed his beard. He wasn't vain, it was his pride and joy and he thought the least he could do was make it presentable. Yumichika and ikkaku continued to comment while he ran his comb through the coarse black hair sprouting out of his chin. He had taken enough comments now. Standing up and hurling his comb at ikkaku, he yelled.

"Just because you can't grow a beard, Baldie! And pretty-boy, I would like to see you try and grow a nicer beard!" he stormed out of the barracks, knowing exactly where he could find Yachiru.

Running towards where the fuku-taicho meeting was being held, he thought of a bribe to get Yachiru to come back. Candy. It always worked. Whatever the situation, candy always worked. Bursting into the meeting, he was met by silence, and then Yachiru shrieked, and dived to hide behind Kuchiki Taicho. What was he doing at the fuku-taicho meeting anyways? And why was Yachiru hiding again?

"Yachiru!" He bellowed, almost deafening Kira and Nemu, the two fuku-taicho nearest to him. "I have Candy!"

"Candy?" questioned a small voice. Yachiru was peeping out from behind Byakuya.

"Yes," Kenpachi. "But you have to tell me why you ran away, and promise never to do it EVER AGAIN!"

"I'll tell Nanao, my bestest friend!" Yachiru said. Nanao looked displeased with this new term she had been given, but walked over to Yachiru who began to whisper to her.

Nanao stood up. "Zaraki Taicho, it appears that Yachiru is afraid of your beard." Byakuya burst out laughing. It was such an odd sound for him to make as he rarely laughed, let alone smiled. The fuku-taichos began to snigger, apart from Renji who looked mortified at the fact that his captain had laughed.

"Oh. Well, what do you want me to do about it?" Kenpachi asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"Shaving it would be the best method of action" Nanao said. "Please do it. Yachiru might stop following me around then." He knew there was nothing else he could do.

Kenpachi was full of regrets. It had been two weeks since he had shaved his beard off and he missed it. His chin felt cold and he had missed having something to stroke, to make him look like he was actually thinking clever thoughts, not just the barbaric ones that usually ran through his blood-thirsty, violent mind.

But, what was a beard when you could trade it for an annoying, bubblegum pink haired girl, who looked up to you like a father. Really there was no contest. He would rather have Yachiru any day.



This is my first published story, guys

I would love to make it a mini series of drabbles about irrational fears, so tell me about any more fears you would like to see written about.

Doumo arigato gozaimasu, Hanabi xx

Remember, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM is welcomed here, no flames please 


	2. coulrophobia

Thanks to my reviewers, Kouzumi93, Mrfipp, Halibel Lecter and Vi-Violence.

Okay guys, here is my next story, about the fear of clowns. I really don't like clowns so a lot of this story is based on real feelings…

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach or any of the related character… I wish I did but Tite Kubo is the one with the brain here

**Coulrophobia **

Hitsugaya was confused. He had asked Hinamori to go the annual carnival in Rukongai with him, but she had point blank refused.

"Sumimasen, Shiro-chan, but I can't go to the carnival with you. I would like to, but I just can't." When he asked her why, she simply shook her head and ran off. It was a mystery to him.

He had spent all day moping over the fact that Hinamori didn't want to go out with him. _So this is what I get for expressing my feelings_, he thought. _Matsumoto was wrong, she obviously doesn't felt he same way I do. And I wish she had told me why, although, I would still feel hurt. _Hitsugaya was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Matsumoto had come to the office, with an idea of doing some work for once in her entire sake-filled career.

"Taicho? Hello, is anybody in there? Taicho?" she waved a hand in front of his face, and Hitsugaya flew back to reality with a hard bump.

"If you haven't come to do any work, go away." He grumped, still annoyed that it had been Matsumoto's idea to ask Momo, that she had turned him down and that he looked, and felt like an idiot.

"You're so cruel, Taicho. And anyway, I have come to do my work but also to give some advice, if you want it…"Matsumoto pouted, obviously pretending to be upset that her captain had doubted her.

"I don't want your advice. I took your last advice, and it got me nowhere. All it did was make me look like an idiot." He Snapped.

"What happened? Did she turn you down?" Ran Enquired, looking puzzled.

The look on Shiro-Chan's face, which was a cross between anger and embarrassment, gave the entire situation away.

"I'm sorry." Ran said, smothering her small captain in her enormous chest, only letting him go when his face turned blue. "But, she told me that going out with you would make her the happiest she has ever been, since she met you…" Ran paused for a moment, thinking about what her captain could have done so wrong, to make Momo turn him down. A thought dawned on her, and she turned to her captain with a look that could have murdered several people all at once.

"Taicho, where exactly did you ask her to go with you?" She demanded.

"Um, to the carnival in Rukongai…" Hitsugaya answered, looking confused, "But, what does that have to do with it?"

"Go apologize now, taicho! How thoughtless are you, anyway? And what made you ask her to a carnival, when everybody knows that she hates clowns and that they make her cry?! You are so insensitive!"

Toshiro's eyes widened and he panicked. Why had nobody told him before? And before ran could say anything, he had shunpoed out of the door and as quickly towards the fifth division as his little legs could carry him.

He arrived out of breath, and knocked on the door, only to be greeted by aizen-taicho, who immediately said

"Gomen nasai, Hitsugaya-taicho, but Hinamori isn't here at the moment, she's out by the peach trees in the orchard. Maybe you should go talk to her, she seemed a little upset and confused, so I sent her out for a break."

"arigato, aizen-taicho" Toshiro said, before heading off towards the orchard where he hoped he would find Momo, considering that there was something very odd and un-trustable about aizen-taicho.

Sitting under a tree, a little teary eyed, but generally fine, Momo leaned peacefully, talking to herself, and Toshiro sneaked up behind the tree to hear what she was saying, being as silent as a ninja (or maybe one of those dudes from Soi-Fon's squad).

"I love him, but I'm so confused and I don't know what to do anymore. And when I see him, it's like a snowstorm in the summer, so beautiful and unexpected and when he smiles at me and teases me, It feels like time is stopping, and I'm literally melting into a puddle, right there. I think I'm just going to tell him how I feel. But I'll wait a bit, you know…"

Toshiro almost melted into a huge gooey mess, right there in the orchard, and before he knew whet he was doing, he was in front of Momo, and then, all of a sudden, he was kissing her and she was kissing him back.

Pausing to take a breath, he began to speak, with her wrapped in his arms, weak at the knees and breathless.

"Momo, I'm sorry about the carnival. I didn't know. But, from know on, I will protect you, from everything, even the clowns. And, umm, I love you" he said, thinking _Oh my_ _Kami, that was so cheesy!_

And then, sitting down, and pulling her sweet shiro-chan with her she replied "I love you too, Shiro-chan", and kissed him before he could scold her for using his pet name.

And now, when he sees he; lying there in the fourth squad, he wishes he could have protected her more, especially from the clown, her ex-taicho who turned the seireitei into a circus for his own enjoyment.

Okay, maybe the end was a little cheesy, but don't kill me!

I just wanted to write a little hitsuhina mush and it went okay

Please review, and ideas guys! For my next one, I might have Yumichika afraid of mirrors…

Luvs ya, Hanabi-Chan xx


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